I Do Not Wear a Mask

My father always said "your too pretty for make up, you don't need it." I never understood why he said that. I'm not pretty, my face is actually rather funny looking. But it's stand able. My face isn't disturbing (to most), but when I was younger I always wanted to wear it. I was fascinated by the idea of fitting in. Obsessed. I was actually kind of daring. I was always hated, I'm still not sure why, but instead of slinking off to a corner with the other geeks. I and I alone sat with the cool kids. It was actually a funny sight. Me the biggest 'butt of the joke' sitting with the most popular kids in school. Of course the gossiped about me behind my back (the nicest did), others told me that I did not belong there, one girl actually threatened to jump me after school. But I never budged. I never got up. They could never make me. I wore the make up I stole from my mother. My friend applied it before class and we gently removed it at the end of the day. I felt like now that I wore the magic mask of makeup I could blend in with the popular girls. I thought that boys may begin to show and interest and I would be something greater than myself. I would be cool. After a week I lost interest. I looked at myself in the mirror and was appalled, disgusted even. This person staring back at me, it was not me but a lousy knock off of every other girl I've met. I felt like a cheap sellout. And even more of a loser than before. I took of this mask with soap and water. And I try my best to never have to put it back on. I never want to. I dont like my face, but at least I can recognize the person it is. I don't wear a mask. This is why. 

Foxy, please read this

I hate this. If i tell you it ruins it but if i don't you don't know. And even if i do it will just give me false hopes that maybe just maybe I'll get what i need out of life to feel satisfied. I gave you all i had and now i have nothing. I love you with all i have, don't you understand that? We used to be so happy. I fell in love with you because i felt like i had finally found someone i can trust. I felt like you were true. You are. Here. Here is what i want. I am depressed. That's why I've been so snarky and bitchy and bickering. That's how i cope. Take me out of this. If you want to prove you love me, tell me everyday. Tell me why and how much. Don't let me just guess. Surprise me with things you think I'll like. Not things you think girls like, things I like. I don't mean things that cost a fortune. Anything as simple as a love letter. Or something you made yourself. The next time you take me out take me not to the most expensive place you know but plan a romantic dinner of fast food eaten by a pond or lake as the sun goes down. Treat me like you used to. Love me like you used to. I trust you. I love you. I think you are spectacular and amazing. But i guess you can say, I'm broken. My heart is broken. Fix it. I get tired of crying and keeping it a secret so you don't feel bad. Please fix it.