Exasperation

                Whoever said your senior year was easy was lying and should be ripped apart limb from limb. This is hard. I have so much late work to make up and my senior project is due Friday. I present first on Monday in front of everyone. I’m frustrated, mostly with myself. You see I procrastinate more than a prostitute gets laid on a Saturday night. In the beginning of the year they made me pick a project and a topic to write a research paper on. Thy tell you that you have all year to work on it and at the end you must present it to the whole class. No problem right? Wrong! I started it and actually got through a lot on the paper itself, but I am only about half done with the project. I would do it at home but the software I need is only at the school, and during school I am very busy working on other things and helping others on their projects that I kind of forget about mine. Not to mention the best distraction n the world is on the other side of the room. 75% of me says go see him and the logical 25% reminds me that I am very behind. I should be alright though. He is actually a great help on it. He knows all the ins and outs of Photoshop and Illustrator and I’m not as versed at it. I guess I’ll just have to haul ass on it later today. I should turn out alright.  

love and marriage

Quite honestly as a young child marriage was not a thing I thought of much. Why? The question eludes me. Maybe because every time I would act remotely out of order my brothers and father would say 'l feel bad for the man you'll marry'. My father doesn't say that anymore my older brother does on occasion. I always figured as a young child that marriage was not for me, I was too ... disobedient for marriage. My family being very 50's style, and gender roles increasingly visible, disobedient would be the right word. Then my parents made the horrid mistake of sending me through public schooling. There I learned about such things as women's lib and feminism. My views had changed. I never wanted to marry. I felt it was a trap made by men to keep women 'in their place' so to speak. My desire to be free from this male world put marriage and love even out of the picture.



But then he comes along tearing down a system that worked beautifully for 17 years, with his adorable laugh and chivalrous charm. He treated me like a human being at first which made him stand alone from the rest of the boys. Then things only got better. He is kind and gentle and is incredibly sweet. I couldn't love anyone else as much and now ,in the future of course, is marriage a possibliity? Could this trap be an more of a union? I'm very confused.